Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
