I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
