i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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