I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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