apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
