Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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