no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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