i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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