I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
