I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just gift wrapped bread.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
