Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
