Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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