I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize