there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
