I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
