It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
