I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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