8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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