Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
