My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
