we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
