i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
