david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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