Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize