Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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