I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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