Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
