I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
