My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a beard to bite.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
