I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
