i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
