I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
