i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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