Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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