How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
