best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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