Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
