Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
