I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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