or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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