remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
