He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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