I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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