Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
