On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
