I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
