I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
