The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
