Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
