You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
