I'm really into asian looking animals
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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