i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
