Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
