I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
