the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it because I queefed?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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