Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
