my soul wont recognize me after tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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