1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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