Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
