He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
