She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
