Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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