So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
