I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
