I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
