just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize