I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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