I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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